Rabbi Benjamin A. Sharff
One of my greatest struggles during this season is not seeking forgiveness from those whom I have hurt, whether intentionally or unintentionally. Rather, I find the hardest path to forgiveness is often towards myself. Meaning, forgiving myself for the mistakes I have made that have hurt myself psychologically, emotionally, or physically.
These are the mistakes of procrastination, self-indulgence, self-pity, despair, and denying myself the ability to be present, especially for those I most love and want to be there for. One can say this is the sacred work not just of a spiritual journey but also of therapy. It requires time of self-examination and self-reflection that often is the most difficult of journeys.
I wonder why it is so easy to recognize when we hurt others, but so hard to see when we hurt ourselves. I think part of it is because we can often see the impact. Pain in another person’s eyes is much easier to recognize than perhaps the pain in our own eyes. Also, we live with ourselves all of the time. Therefore, we can often excuse the actions we take towards ourselves, justifying them as simply part of how we navigate the day.
Lest we forget, true teshuvah, is not just turning or returning towards God and holiness, but at its core, it is also about turning towards our best selves. To do this, we have to be willing to forgive ourselves, so that we can truly find new pathways to become the people we aspire to be.