5 Elul 5785/August 29, 2025
Rabbi Erin Boxt

As the month of Elul moves along, we are tasked with seeking out those whom we have wronged for forgiveness and granting forgiveness to those who we feel have wronged us. This is no easy task – yet, it is vital for us as we approach the holiest moments on the Jewish calendar: faced with our own vulnerability in front of God. There have been times in my life when I felt accused of committing an act against another which would require a sincere request of forgiveness. I am certain every one of us has, at some point in their lives, faced the same difficult moment(s).

What if we do not agree with what we are accused of? This will usually lead to a disagreement which could very well become heated and make matters even worse. What do we do when we believe we have been wronged and another disagrees with us? Arguments lead to arguments ad nauseum. If we turn to our sacred texts, we find there are two major types of debates/arguments: Makhloket l’shem Shamayim – an argument for the sake of Heaven & Makhloket Lo l’shem Shamayim – an argument not for the sake of Heaven. It is quite alright and expected for Jewish people (and all people) to disagree and even argue…as long as the arguments are from a place of love and growth, Makhloket l’shem Shamayim, rather than hatred and misunderstanding, Makhloket Lo l’shem Shamayim. Sacred, loving relationships with others is an absolute necessity.