25 Elul 5785/September 18, 2025

Rabbi Kelly Levy

I have always had a deep-seated need to be right. Not because I think I know more than others, but because I love the satisfaction of knowing I had the correct answer all along. When challenged, I dig in. I defend my position. I stop hearing other points. Being right becomes more important than learning something new.

But this kind of arguing serves no higher purpose. In fact, it stunts my growth. Machloket l’shem shamayim calls us to go beyond ourselves, beyond pride. It invites us to see an argument as a bridge, not a battlefield — a chance to hear another person’s experience, to be changed by it, and maybe to change them in return. Machloket l’shem shamayim values arguments motivated by the pursuit of truth, growth, and connection rather than ego or victory. It’s a beautiful ideal.

I think of Stephen Fry’s reminder: “One of the greatest human failings is to prefer to be right rather than to be effective.” For me, being effective means choosing curiosity over certainty, connection over conquest. The next time I feel my heels digging in, I’ll ask: Am I trying to be right… or to seek what’s right?

Because in the end, winning an argument fades quickly — but learning from one can last a lifetime.